Taking the keys and shaking the hand of the dealer Peter had hired a car for convenience sake. It seemed like he'd be around for much longer than anticipated. It had been a lovely weekend after celebrating C at George's place. What made it even more worthwhile was that he finally got to introduce himself to Patricia.
George had told him stories upon stories during their college days of Trish, he'd seen videos, overheard phone calls and even tasted her food but they had never actually met. Peter drove off to the offices he was using while in town. He had to sort out more meetings and confirm deadlines were met today. The project was big and company defining.
After getting off the phone with a contractor he received a message from George
Hey man, hope to see you this Saturday at the church youth service.
Peter didn't know if he was still an eligible youth. Though only two years older than George, Peter felt like he was pushing the upper boundaries of the age limit. But then again it was an opportunity to meet and interact with new people. It also heightened his chances on fulfilling his mother’s wish that was clearly stated on the day of his departure 'I hope you'll come back with more than just you!'
She eagerly awaited a daughter-in-law and grandchildren. He had managed to escape the radar for years with the excuse of taking care of the company but after his younger sister had jumped the broom two years ago the degrees were turned up and the roasting began. So when his mum heard that he was coming to the place where some of his former college mates were she was elated and hopeful. David had been the saving grace as he was the only one engaged amongst the three of them. Priscilla was a dime in a dozen and strategically chosen by God in his opinion.
From how they met to the engagement Peter had heard all the stories. What had amazed him the most was that Dave had found someone to fit His energetic personality. Priscilla was a fashion designer and an entrepreneur and Dave was an architect. Everything about them blended well. What was sweet to see was them interacting with one another at the party, Dave as usual dancing to absolutely every tune that was played and Priscilla joining him at it, actually laughing at his jokes and occasionally reigning him in when necessary. What was most evident though was his eyes as they beamed with pride as they looked at her, Dave was clearly taken and deeply in love.
Their wedding was set to be in 3 months, Peter hoped to attend it too if things went well with the company. Peters mind went back to the evening as he remembered the grand finale as George and Trish toppled down taking icing with them on their faces. It was a joyous and hilarious end to the evening. Despite only being here for a few weeks Peter was already starting to feel at home in this town.
He was hoping to meet all the people he had again, particularly one icing filled face.
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C pulled up to the curb at Dewot offices, she was delivering the glass top hand carved coffee table. C waited in her car for her people to come and help her lift it. She was not letting amateurs have the opportunity to break this masterpiece. It was an account she had been working on for months, the remodeling of Dewot offices. It was a prestigious one that if done right could lead to major opportunities.
It had been a thrilling weekend for her, the surprise bash thrown in her honour had been stiff at first but then ended up in laughter. Priscilla and Carol had kept her firmly between them ensuring she didn’t slip away which she actually wanted to initially but after the most hilarious cake cutting ever C had an amazing time. She danced and ate and truly enjoyed herself. She never knew that those three could go together. She would go to various clubs to dance and get drunk mostly, especially after running away from Reuben.
It was a dark season in C’s life after having everything she held dear shattered in an instant. She run away from the future she thought she wanted and was all alone in a strange town with nothing but a suitcase. C remembered the bar she had made her temporary home, sitting there and downing bottle after bottle. Frank the manager often gave her a worried look while passing her as she sat there for three days straight only waking up to request another bottle.
She rented a small room with whatever was in her savings and continued the routine, from bar to room to bar. She’d dance and sing loudly and get as drunk as possible all to cover up the reality of the pain she was trying to hide from. One night she remembered looking at one of the more affluent customers and thinking that maybe Reuben was onto something, should she try and see just how much this body that men had been taking advantage of for free was actually worth? And just as she was talking to the guy Frank came and took her by the hand and dragged her back to her apartment. C screamed and shouted.
“Let go Frank, I was just playing!”
“Sober up kid, you’ll thank me in the morning.”
Frank had taken a role of a big brother to her, she really didn’t know why. He shut the door in fury and she staggered the room in her heels trying to make her way to her bed. Moving forward her foot tripped on the TV cable and down came crashing both the TV and her. Before even moving she heard a knock on her door, it was Frank.
“C, hey girl are you okay?” his voice filled with worry.
“Eish calm down, ever heard of a drunk person fall?”
The knocking silenced and C attempted to get up once again. As she stood she noticed blood on her leg she bent down to examine if there was a cut or something.
“Frank?” C called out as she realized that the origin of the blood was not from any open exterior wound and it was coming out a lot and fast. “FRANK!” she shouted.
She had calculated her days but attributed the irregular flow to stress, however something inside her shook as she realized just what was happening. She was losing something that she never even knew she had.
In C’s mind dancing was equated to alcohol which was equated to a numbing of pain. It was amazing that laughter could fit in there.
“If it isn’t the lady herself, Ms C. Roberts “
C shook the hand of Mr. Dewok Kamau the ‘Dew’ in the company, he and Mr. Otieno had founded this company together two decades ago and now they dealt in all sorts of manufacturing, from paper to lotion. And after all these years they had finally decided that they wanted their offices to be upgraded from a factory.
It was interesting how involved Mr. Kamau was in the whole process. He had sat down to discuss the colour palate, he had an opinion on the paintings used and even knew what wood he wanted the furniture in. What made their working relationship amicable was that after an update of progress he gave C complete creative freedom in the space. It was a connection that had formed over months and C held some slight nostalgia.
“Mr. Kamau, are you trying to sneak a look at your new space?”
“My girl, I thought I told you to call me Dekow, Mr. Kamau is just used for signing papers” He chuckled. He was quite a friendly guy, the more jovial of the two. Mr. Otieno had barely interacted with her during the time period.
“Hehe, the table I was telling you about is just being installed now”
“Yes, I saw you supervise them bringing it up, Martha Karua has some competition- a new iron fist lady is on the rise.”
“Just making sure things are done properly” C chuckled. When it came down to work, she didn’t play.
“And rightly so. Now are you really not going to allow us in until you are absolutely done?”
“Yup, they are just cleaning up now. Give it about an hour.”
Mr. Dekow begrudgingly left back to his temporary office knowing that C was not going to budge. C enjoyed the reveal. She loved to look upon her customers faces once she had finished a job regardless of their reaction. With that she had learned how to read people and gauge whether she had done a good or bad job and the areas she needed to improve on.
C had a routine of sorts where she would go through and inspect the space before allowing a client through. She was the first line of defense in case of any issues. The cleaning crew packed away their things and she started her round. Looking at every light installed, every paint job, every bit of furniture with a rug wiping off areas missed and adjusting malpositioned items.
Speaking of peoples expressions her mind jumped back to the party when she had recovered from her fit of laughter and she looked back at the icing filled faces Trish was laughing and moving about but George was fixed, locked in position. His eyes staring straight at her. A knock on the door brought her back to the present. Putting away her cloth she picked up a lighter and lit the scented candles strategically placed to set up the ambience and walked to the door.
“You said an hour” Mr. Dekow now accompanied by Mr. Otieno and their wives respectively.
“Right you are sir, welcome to your new offices” she smiled opening both doors wide for them to enter.
A smile spread across C’s face as she watched their eyes brighten with joy. Everything from the roof to the floor had been changed and remodeled. C stood back as they explored their new space waiting for the moment to step in and guide them around. C was thankful all had gone well.
“My dear didn’t I tell you this girl new what she was doing?” Mr. Kamau said to his wife after their tour ended.
“He did actually tell me that repeatedly dear and I must say that I agree” Mrs. Kamau said confirmed.
“You wouldn’t believe that she only has an undergraduate with this level of expertise” He continued.
“Really? And how long have you been working I the industry” Mr. Otieno spoke up.
“Officially, three years”
“Remarkable.”
The partners exchanged knowing looks followed by a nod from Mr. Otieno to Mr. Kamau.
“My girl you have impressed us far beyond our expectations. We’ll pass by your offices to sort out all issues concerning billing but aside from that please do stay in touch.”
“I will, thank you kindly and enjoy your space”
C walked out elated. It was rare to meet such pleasant people in high positions, the ones that she was used to dealing with were usually too distinguished to deal with her.
She left the offices and went home to prepare for coffee later, Mrs. Oloo had invited her.
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George looked at the teen that sat with a big fake smile in front of him and prayed silently. Their session of one hour was almost over now but he had had little to no progress. She had insisted that everything with her and in her life was fine but George new different. Just by looking he could see about fifty centimeters worth of scars on both her hands which he knew oh to well, this girl had been cutting herself for a long time.
He usually left the young females to Mrs. Oloo or counselors from the women’s ministry however both the girl and her parents had insisted that she had her session with him and now he was wondering why. She had skated around issues and managed to keep at superficial conversation the entire duration of their meeting.
Resolving to pray for the Holy Spirit’s guidance he let out a sigh and grabbed his card and a pen.
“Seems like we won’t have time to deal with everything today Racheal, but here is my card and I’ve just written down my personal number on it. Feel free to call anytime” He handed the card over to her, ended the session with a prayer and guided her to the door where her mum was waiting.
George had noticed an increase in the amount of depression and suicide cases that were at the teen’s church. He also knew that the older adults in youth struggled with these issues too but were just less forthcoming about it. God needed to intervene soon or else a lot of souls would be lost.
Sitting back at his desk he opened an email from Trish
Please find attached the written proposal for the women’s conference.
George opened and perused through the proposal, it looked good. Trish was heavily involved with the women’s ministry and had noticed a similar trend in depression as him. After discussing with the bible study ladies and Pastor Steve they had decided to hold a more intimate conference that would tackle the issues that lead to the point of hopelessness. A name hadn’t been given to it yet but the idea was on paper now so it could be brain stormed on, prayed about and put into the church’s calendar.
Received, thanks. Will inform you of meeting date when set.
George replied, he felt that God wanted to use this particular conference in a different way. He grabbed his car keys as he was about to leave the office, he had to meet up with Dave, Peter and the rest of the guys for their tux fittings. His phone rang.
“Hello?” He waited for a response.
There was only heavy breathing on the other side of the line.
“Hello, can I help you? Who is this?”
“He, hey George” a hesitant voice started. He recognized it immediately. “I just wanted to say thank you for Saturday”
“That’s what friends are for C” He smiled, he didn’t know if it was because of the gratitude or the sound of her voice. “C, before you go I’d like to invite you to youth church this coming Saturday.”
George boldly asked sending pleas up to heaven for a positive response.
It had been a while that C had been attending bible study faithfully but the conference was the last time she had stepped into church. George was hoping that she’d interacted with church people long enough now to no longer be afraid.
“Hmm… well… why not?” C finally responded, George let out breath that he didn’t even know that he was holding in.
“Great, then we’ll see you on Saturday”
“Bye”
George placed the phone back in his pocket and walked to his car with a grin. At least one thing had gone right today. He went off to meet the boys.
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C smiled at Mrs Oloo as she hung up the phone. For some reason she had insisted that she call George now while they were having coffee. The time had been better than expected and they had laughed and shared highlights of their life. C was starting to understand what it meant to have real friends. She had never quite gotten the hang of trusting people. The people I her corner were mostly from work absolutely none from university.
C was in the business of cutting ties cleanly once she left one section of life. That left her with a trail of nothing and no one so she became her own biggest support club. She relied on C and only C. The walls around were fenced off and had a ‘no trespassers’ sign in neon lights. Little did she know that the ladies in her bible study group were navy seals with Trish as the Lieutenant and Caroline as the Captain. They had slowly been undertaking an invasion operation of her heart and without much room for combat C was slowly letting them in.
Carol had enjoyed her time with C greatly, she reminded her of a younger version of herself while still in hurt and pain but hoping for a way out.
“Now that wasn’t so hard was it?” she looked at C who had been so nervous before dialing George’s number.
She had wanted to thank the person responsible for planning her party and had been stumped once she heard that it was him. Her first response being “Pastors can organize parties, is that allowed?” Carol chuckled at C’s skewed perception of men of the pulpit. It was clearly fueled by over exaggerated Hollywood movies. After asking for the bill Carol looked at C Intently.
“Sweetheart you know that I am always here for you okay, whether to pray or just chat my door is always open.”
“Thanks, I’ll remember that.”
A slight smile tipped the corners of C’s mouth. It was a far cry from the initial arms crossed shut of posture she’d held at the start of their meeting. Carol didn’t blame her, she too found it hard to open up to anyone initially after joining the church. It had been a long time before she’d made any real friends.
Carol smiled at her phone as she entered her car from the café, Michaela had just texted. She had called about coming home for their short holiday. Carol was glad that she even wanted to. Her daughter was the adventurous type, hiking, water rafting and bungee jumping were her idea of fun. She often spent her short holidays going on adrenaline filled trips with her friends and came home on the long holidays. This time round they had found a camping spot in their area so she had invited her friends over. Carol was not going to say no.
God had honoured her prayers. When she was praying for a child she had also prayed that God may draw the fruit of her womb close to himself and use her as a powerful tool in the kingdom of God. Michaela had gone to study architecture and was in the beginning of first year but was already leading bible study in her dorm room. Listening to story after story of how people were being lead to the Lord often filled their conversations and Carol’s heart was full.
Yes indeed Michaela was her Samuel, her personal gift from the Lord.
Carol sat down on her rocking chair with her bible and began to prepare for Friday’s bible study.
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Trish placed her head on her desk, she was exhausted and was hoping to pass out for ten minutes before resuming her hectic schedule. It was Thursday and Njeri hadn’t shown up to work all week. Her work fell on Trish’s desk as it all had to be done, on top of C’s own. “She better have a good excuse for this” Trish mumbled to herself.
Njeri had a wedding account that she was in charge of this weekend and there was a lot of final details that still needed to be attended to. Trish had run around with Dayo ensuring that all the necessary was done however just today the baker cancelled on them stating that he had an unexpected emergency and wouldn’t be able to fulfill their order. To find someone to bake a wedding cake and other confectioneries for the desert table in two days was near impossible. Trish was stressed.
Funny thing was that in spite of everything she was more concerned for Njeri than angry. She knew her to be a diligent worker so this was completely out of character.
Ted and Njeri were her two market place missions, both calling themselves Christian but truthfully only living that out on Easter. She had founded her company on Christian values, a personal one being that everywhere was a mission field, especially the office.
Over time Ted’s foul mouth had been soaped out and they had both been more willing to lead office devotions and prayer. But Trish didn’t want to celebrate before any root change was evident. It’s easy to change behavior, harder to change a heart.
She had been disappointed when they didn’t show for the Alive Again conference as she had believed that that was where God would have captured them. But then God had His own plans it seems.
“Trish, I think I found one!” Dayo excitedly announced after bursting into her office. So much for a little sleep.
“Really? Where is it?”
“Along Park avenue.”
“Okay what are we waiting for? Let’s go!”
Trish went over to Njeri’s desk before heading to her car to grab the designs and requirements for the cake. She was glad that Njeri was quite the organized girl and had kept everything in order and reachable. Packing themselves into the car they left for the bakery.
“Before I forget, I bought the ring” Dayo told her while she was driving.
“What? Wow!” Trish was genuinely excited for him.
It had been an interesting journey to watch. Dayo had gotten saved last year at the Alive Again conference and soon after had plugged into ministry, he was a drummer on the youth worship team and that is where he met Chipo. They had been dating for four months when he sat down with George and Trish and told them he wanted to marry her. They had both been shocked at his swiftness.
As his Spiritual big siblings they had asked him to pray about it first before making a rash decision. Two months later he went on a two week long personal fast, doing one week with George and the last alone after which he came back to them and declared he was sure that this is what was to happen.
“Once we get to the bakery you’ve got to show it to me” Trish told him as she navigated traffic.
“Sure thing sis.” Dayo responded.
While outside the office they dropped the formalities, it was interesting how Dayo truly viewed her as if she was his real sister. Their friendship had been heartwarming and used of God.
After a successful meeting with the baker Trish dismissed Dayo and drove back home. On her way she prayed for him and Chipo. As she arrived though she was greeted by the deafening silence that waited for her at home and welcomed her coldly. Not wanting to think about such things she went straight to the kitchen to put dinner in the microwave before heading to the bathroom to take a shower.
Pulling the shower curtain away and stepping out Trish reached for her toothbrush and noticed that there was only one there. She sat down at the table to have dinner and felt the empty chairs stare at her. She couldn’t deny the fact that she did long for companionship. Somehow hearing of Dayo’s good news made her more aware of her own reality.
“Well let’s make good use of this” She spoke up to herself “Dear Lord, it’s me again and as you can probably tell from today’s events I’m praying about him again. Lord we’ve had this conversation severally and the content of it hasn’t changed.” Trish prayed.
“I pray for him wherever he is Lord that you may continue to draw him neigh unto you, that He would have a passion for your word and your work. I pray Lord that you may protect Him from every scheme of the enemy on his life. Lord I pray for romantic dinners and foot massages after a long day. I pray for a man who is sensitive, sensible and caring. I pray for a joy filled relationship that is rooted in Your love God. I pray for walks on the beach and long car rides. I pray that we may enjoy each other’s company and be the best of friends. I pray that we may serve you together. Continue to open the right doorways in his life Lord and in your timing may one of those doorways lead him to me. I’m getting tired, surprise me Lord. And if he’s not coming at all, please plainly let me know. Goodnight Father.”
And with that Trish cleared the table, tucked herself in bed and went to sleep.
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Staring at the date C couldn’t help the bout of rage that filled her in the morning. It was like this every year. She grew accustomed to hating this day as well as a few others.
What surprised her was that the high she had been on all week dissipated with the fact that today was that day. The day she cringed at as a kid. A day which she’d never known where to run to. A day where he’d repeatedly do the most disgusting things he could think of when he was supposedly ‘taking her to the amusement park’. A day she’d lived through in pain and disgust as a child. A day where she’d cry until she’d got a headache and still lie in bed drained but awake completely unable to sleep completely surrounded by darkness. It was his birthday.
C drank her coffee swiftly not wanting the reality of a date to destroy her mood. It was Friday so she knew she was going to bible study in the evening. Hopefully there she would find joy again.
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The Ladies settled down in the Trish’s living room. Caroline was leading the session today. After the prayer she asked everyone to turn to the book of Ruth. C got out the bible that Priscilla had given her last weekend at the party and opened the book of contents searching for the book. Priscilla had kindly explained it to her that the bible was a collection of books and like all books it had chapters and in order to find the exact part they were talking about the sentences in the chapters were numbered and called verses. Flipping quickly so as not to delay the study C found the book that Carol, who was patiently waiting for her, had mentioned.
“In the days when the judges ruled, there was a famine in the land. So a man from Bethlehem in Judah, together with his wife and two sons, went to live for a while in the country of Moab. The man’s name was Elimelek, his wife’s name was Naomi, and the names of his two sons were Mahlon and Kilion. They were Ephrathites from Bethlehem, Judah. And they went to Moab and lived there.
Now Elimelek, Naomi’s husband, died, and she was left with her two sons. They married Moabite women, one named Orpah and the other Ruth. After they had lived there about ten years, both Mahlon and Kilion also died, and Naomi was left without her two sons and her husband.”
“Now ladies today we are in the book of Ruth, but we are first going to talk about Naomi. What can you tell about Naomi from this scripture?” Carol asked.
“Well that she was surrounded by men” Priscilla stated the obvious.
“She was a foreigner in the place she was living.” Wanjiku chipped in.
“She was widowed, and her children died” said another of the women sitting in the living room.
“All those are correct answers. You see we are seeing in a few sentences two distinct stages in the life of one person. The text points to and theologists conclude that Elimelek was probably a business man who immigrated with his wife Naomi for a better life. He found it in a place called Moab where his two sons both found wives from that land. This is what I would term as the ‘up stage’. The season where business is going well, family is expanding, joy overflowing and all seems to be well with you.
“But according to the next lines we are shown that the ‘up stage’ doesn’t last. As soon as happiness is declared sadness and trails come- so here is the other side of the coin. A time of sudden repetitive loss, lack and depression. Having all her family die Naomi probably wanted to forget the land of Moab and also was probably forced to shut down the family business. So first her family goes then her source of income. It was only right to send away her daughters-in-law instead of letting them live with her in depression. Question, how are we in our lowest times? When there is a sudden, or gradual, change of seasons from joy into sorrows?”
“Obviously depressed if there has been such a turn of events.” Someone piped up
“Oh, I call that fake smile season- see my teeth and don’t ask me about it.” Priscilla chuckled
“Frankly, pissed!” C was shocked at those words left Trish’s lips. She’d never pegged Trish to know such vocabulary.
“And justly so I can imagine.” Carol continued “So was Naomi, as a matter of fact in verse twenty she even changes her name to kind of throw shade at God but also to reflect her current state. From ‘Naomi’ to ‘Mara’; form ‘delightful’ to ‘bitter’.
“I would like us to share some of our experiences that have made us bitter in life?”
C was ready for the pin drop silence that ensued, there was no way any of these ladies had any bitterness in them. All they did was laugh eat and go to church.
“I’d start us of with my own story” Carol continued. C sat back waiting for a cute little tale of how Carol had probably lost money while going grocery shopping. That was probably the biggest trail any of these ladies had to face- that or not knowing which outfit to pick for church.
“I got married young, I was 22 and he was 24. Our parents approved quicker than expected and in no time we were living our happily ever after. He was doing well at his law firm and I was doing well at the music school I was teaching at. Nothing but bliss and happiness. We wanted to have kids quickly, or should I say his mother wanted that- but we weren’t about to oppose. I got pregnant, then my first problem came up when we found out it was an ectopic pregnancy, they had to remove one of my fallopian tubes because the baby was sitting in it.
“I didn’t tell anyone but I was worried that my chances of getting pregnant had decreased. My husband soon after started spending more and more nights at the office. This was not strange at first considering the amount of work he had to do. Well then he started travelling for business. I often took leaves from work to try and surprise him but each time I did he seemed so frustrated that I came. I remember our second anniversary so vividly, he was sent by the firm to meet with a company manager upstate who wanted them to handle their legal work so he had planned to stay there for two nights. Me being the naïve little bride who was also longing for a child decided; against my bosses wishes; to go and join him. The timing was just right. I went and convinced them to give me an extra key to his room at the hotel. I went in there got all ready and waited, and waited and waited.
“I kid you not I stayed up all night watching cartoons while waiting for this man to come home. He eventually did at 4am with an unmistakable scent of alcohol on his shirt. He was so upset to find me in his room, he shouted so loudly but I was too angry and desperate to be scared. We had a screaming match that night.
“He didn’t return home for a week, and I lost two important clients at my job because of that trip. Still holding hope for my marriage I welcomed him home when he returned and said nothing of the trip, I just resolved to stop surprising him. Eleven months later and even further apart than ever he came home and asked me to pack his things. His company had transferred him to their upstate branch. This was a great move for his career so I was naturally happy and packed his things and typed out my resignation letter for my boss. He asked me to stay at home first and only move up once he had settled everything. I agreed holding onto the letter until then. A month passed and there was no word from him, then two months passed. Worried I got his new address from the company and travelled over the weekend.
“What happened next would shock any human being in my position. I knocked on the door of his apartment and it was opened by a pretty young woman holding what looked like a month-old baby in her arms. I smiled at her as I thought I was mistaken and in the wrong address, so I asked if she knew my husband. She said yes and invited me in, if I was in denial it was dissipated immediately I entered as the walls were plastered with pictures of them together. I stood stuck at one particular photo of him kneeling and kissing her pregnant belly, a photo I had so often imagined I’d have in my own living room. I turned and looked at her child who I could tell had my husband’s nose, a nose I’d dreamed to be on my own child. I couldn’t hold the tears in, I ran back home where I was greeted by reality and divorce papers: my husband had been having an affair and had now relocated to build a family with his mistress.”
Carol paused giving a half-hearted chuckle which gave way to tears. “And the funny thing is, that’s not even the worst part” Her laugh was filled with pain. C knew that sound all too well.
“It was a few weeks after the divorce was finalized when I caught a slight flu that I thought nothing of. I was too busy trying to get my life back on track, which was a lonesome painful task I assure you. A month passed, and it persisted, but I attributed it to the stress that I was experiencing at the time so it was nothing to go to hospital for. It was only until three months had passed and one of my students drew it to my attention that I was still sick so I went for a checkup at the hospital just to be safe.
“That day I just did ordinary tests and checkup and finally received news that shook my existence. You see there are only three reasons why the common cold would persist for an extended period of time. One is if you have an extremely strong and highly resistant strain, two if you have a malignancy in your lung, the other is if you have a compromised immune system. In my case the latter was found to be true as I was diagnosed as HIV positive. Not only had my husband left me, he’d given me a present on his way out.”
C felt her face getting increasingly wet. She was embarrassed and tried to hide all evidence of until she quickly glanced around the room and realized that there wasn’t a dry eye in sight.
“Oh I was bitter and had every right to be. I was ready to find the nearest cliff and jump. Being blindsided was the very definition. But a time came where I had to decide to start living my life again. I believe it was a God send. A then young man by the name of Steve came into my class one day and asked if I was interested in playing at his church. My answer was a firm no. But he was one stubborn guy.
“He kept wanting me to look to God, a God who I’d trusted who had failed me and who I was not even looking to go back to. But Steve had decided that I was going to be the pianist in his church, I eventually gave in and started there. As time went on I eventually confided in Steve who counseled me, but more baffling pointed me to God. This was so offensive to me at the time that he wouldn’t let me lie down and lick my wounds but instead he pushed me constantly out of my comfort zone. Until finally I let God back into my life and with that he filled me with love undeniable, a more noticeable was the peace that I couldn’t explain.
“You see Naomi had Ruth to push her back into reality, but Ruth was just a vessel being used by God. It was only God who could take care of Naomi’s broken heart. When God took mine He gave me the courage to rise again by the power of his great love with the evidence of His blood shed on a cross for me a sinner destined to eternity in Hades had her path changed because of that sacrifice made.
“A lot happened following that, one being my engagement and then marriage to Steve whom you all know as Senior Pastor Steve Oloo. That itself being a miracle because with all of my pain pursuit was a hard uphill task with little hope of conquering. But God!”
At this all the ladies burst out into laughter, a joke that C did not catch. All she was wondering was how this peaceful, jolly woman could have gone through all that and still talk about God.
The study continued and it was time to pray “Before we close I just feel it laid on my heart to say this, some of us here have also been through a version of life that left us with bitterness well deserved. My question today is will you persist in your deserving of bitterness or will you finally let go and let love take over. There may perhaps be someone here who doesn’t understand what this true love, God’s love is- it’s indescribable but in His words it is patient, kind, it does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres. Love never fails.
“Mind you this is only true of God’s love- His love never fails, never gives up nor runs out. It comes with joy and peace. Allow Him to show you what true love is. Let’s pray:
“Dear Lord, May you search our hearts and reveal every root of bitterness and anger. Father, may your love take over, may your love take our sorrow and turn it into joy. For those who need your love meet them God and show them exactly who you are, heal the broken hearted. Thank you for this study, in Jesus name. Amen.”
Carol smiled around the group as everyone got up and started on refreshments. C was frozen in place for a few moments, her system digesting all that had been said in the study. H was seemingly touched as well. But admittance was still quite far.
The ladies trickled out of Trish’s house until it was only Priscilla, C and Carol left. Priscilla and Carol were finishing there tea in the kitchen while C was finally gathering her things getting ready to go. She had wanted to leave immediately it was over but she had been bombarded with ladies ‘small talk’ about all manner of things from work to unrequested photos of babies shoved in her face- C was emotionally exhausted and confused- all she wanted was to curl up in her bed and hibernate till Monday.
C had being enjoying the time with the ladies but something inside her wasn’t sitting right, and for once this time it wasn’t H. Trish walked over to C in order to say goodbye.
“C, have a goodnights rest and we’ll see you on Sunday”
“Actually, Trish thanks very much for inviting me but I’d appreciate it if you’d stop trying to include me in your little church activities?”
“Oh really, why is that?”
“I know you guys have a belief system found on love and all that other good stuff which I respect but I don’t want to be a part of that. Thanks, but no thanks.”
“I don’t believe that”
“Excuse me?”
“I don’t believe that you’re running away from the religion, I think you’re running away from the idea of being loved?”
“And how exactly did you come to that conclusion?”
“Because I see you C. I see how you lean in and listen during bible study. How you eagerly drink up all that is taught. I see how your eyes light up at the thought of the possibility and wonder of God then, well then you shrink back into your own reality. It’s not the concept of God that you struggle with, it’s the idea that He’d want anything to do with you.”
“Interesting observation.” C said sarcastically. Trish was hitting too close.
“Okay then tell me why.”
“Why what?”
“Why is it so hard to believe that you’re worthy of love?”
“I’m leaving,” C got up holding her bag.
“Why do you run away from anyone who dares to show it to you? Me, George, God? Why C, Why?”
“Because not all of us have had the perfect experiences you have had with it. Love may be something good in your dictionary but the definition in my edition it makes me SICK! All the love I’ve ever been given in my life I could’ve done without so excuse me for not wanting anymore.”
“Well that’s a warped definition written by human error. There is only one perfect definition and demonstration of love and that is God who is kind, patient”
“Long suffering, blah blah. You may stop trying to convince me already.”
“Okay. But then I dare you to ask Him yourself. Come on, this is the tough C we’re talking about. Ask him to show you what true love is- I can only explain it but my words are insufficient to fully lay out the depth height and breadth of His love. So go ahead and ask him!”
“Conversations with clouds don’t peak my interest thank you very much. Have a lovely evening- I’ll be on my way.”
C walked as swiftly as she could without breaking into a run. Tonight’s session had tugged so deeply at her heart that her adrenaline stimulated her sympathetic nerve system to do the two things it could: fight then flight.
H was lurking in the corners not knowing how to process this information, it had been a whirlwind these past few weeks being surrounded by people who clearly had no affinity for boundaries. They constantly invaded personal space with unwelcomed hugs and kisses, gave of things without asking for anything in return but what was particularly sending H spinning was just how much of themselves they shared. With each story, each tear shed H had to remove a layer of bricks in the wall around her to hear properly and get a better view. Her defenses were down and she didn’t know how to feel.
What was confusing her even more was the ray of light that had entered from outside. After living so long in the darkness, H couldn’t help being frightened by the light.