Let me tell you a story as told to me by my little cab driver. After covering the topics of the weather and Nairobi hustle we somehow landed in a conversation that I would title "relationship politics". One of his philosophies (which I partially disagree with) was that the problem with relationships today was that ladies had materialized everything.
He then proceeded to back this claim up with an example of one of his passengers who he had to drop somewhere in South Xđ (I'm not going to give you all the details, I don't want people to come for me đ ). She was a beautiful young lady who was around University age and she was going to meet a guy whom she had saved in her phone as "Mohammedđ V8". I was for one impressed in her knowledge of cars and ability to recognize the different types on what would have probably been a dark night on which they met (purely speculation), but my friendly driver on the other hand pointed this fact out as evidence that she and by extension all ladies were materialistic.
"'He is going to give me 100,000 KSH to meet up tonight' she said as I drove her to the place" he continued to narrate. At this juncture though his expression and demeanor changed from a combative and debative posture to protective and concerned. "We reached the place and I had to tell her this, not as a driver but as a big brother 'Please call me and let me know when you're done here and if you're planning on doing anything use protection- be careful'"
I initially assumed what you all probably are assuming now knowing how the taxi business works- build up loyal customers and in return build up profits. However, the look of concern on his face told me that this was not just a soft marketing scheme- he actually cared. The next words out of his mouth revealed why:
"You see when I reached the house I recognized it immediately- she was the fifth girl I had taken there" at this point I clenched my teeth so that my jaw wouldn't drop in shock "I knew that man had had his fair share of Nairobi women and I just wanted her to be safe". I was now at the edge of my seat, well, within the restraints of a seat belt that is, and my curiosity and need for a completed story wouldn't allow our exchange to end at that.
"So what happened?" I inquired of him with probably a bit too much urgency in my voice.
He looked back after a moment of trying to navigate a roundabout knowing I was not about to let it slide. After a huge sigh (probably for suspense as I could tell at this point he was enjoying the role of storyteller) "She called back, a bit sooner than I expected actually. She told me that he wanted to sleep with her and she refused so he sent her away- without the money"
My eyes involuntarily rolled, those who know me know I have a low tolerance for nonsense (actually greatly increased since high school but still low by societal standards) and my mind went to three things which are the reason for this entire narrative:
1. Baby girl: nothing in this world is free. If someone offers you anything- lunch, dinner, 100K, a car- please don't expect it to be out of their good will. Yes, you are cute, but that warrants likes on IG not 100G for free. Are all motives convoluted? No, there are good people in the world- that is why it is important to question a motive before accepting any hand out because you may have just met a saint or you may unknowingly be incurring a debt of which the payment requires you to spread your legs. Know what you're getting into- as an adult you realize that no matter how cute you are everyone from all backgrounds is loyal to one thing equally: their pockets.
2. Honey the papers report news about real people. One of the most common sentences from newly diagnosed HIV patients is "I never thought it could be me" - no one ever does. Unfortunately the viruses don't care, infection is real. And if a guy is expertly summoning you to his house with a wad of cash to top it off best believe that you are just one in a line up of girls that have been there before, making you one in a possible chain of infection. I will echo the driver in saying honey please use protection or my personal better option- just don't do itđââ.
And on top of disease there is the harrowing reality of rape and murder- and yes I am first in line to tell men to shape up and not act like animals who can't help themselves but the unfortunate truth of the day is that monsters do exist and sometimes they wear suits. Don't put yourself in a situation that could make you a devastating headline the next day- your life is worth much more than that. I am glad that this young lady was unharmed and that this man was cordial however we are daily met by the stories of young ladies who weren't so lucky. Was it their fault- no, no woman ever asks to be raped or murdered but rapists and murderers do exist so baby if you can, stay away from environments in which they thrive.
3. And finally to both the men and ladies my final rebuttal (that I put forth to my lovely little cab driver who actually not only agreed with me but changed his stance on his initial thesis of females purporting materialism) the sustenance of supply is demand. Women cannot be solely responsible for a societal view on relationships because though we are that capable (#the real avengers) we are not in relationships with ourselves. The fact that a man approached her with an offer of cash is why she recorded him as she did. If men were secure in their manhood, vision and status they wouldn't need the support of money/cars/etc as a podium to initiate a relationship. Neither are exempt of the responsibility of the dynamics of their relationship.
Don't use a single example as a demonstration of the conduct of an entire group of people. I hate Evidence Based Medicine passionately as a subject of study but one of the things that I learnt from it is the necessity of a significant trend to warrant a change in approach to the diagnosis/treatment/management of a particular disease. Don't extend a single experience of one female to all females. And ladies please don't do the same for males- not all men are after your body, not all men are monsters. Yes, both men and women are responsible for the fact that there is a very materialistic approach to relationships in this day and age but that shouldn't omit the fact that there are women and men of substance looking for men and women of substance to pursue a relationship with purpose. I've witnessed it and it is beautiful.
To the sweetheart with "Mohammed V8" in her phone- baby girl I'm glad you're okay but please stay safe. Your life is important to this generation.
To "Mohammed V8" I won't judge your choices but I will just say 'Real men don't have to pay for sex'- and you can quote me on that.
To my little cab driver, though your slow driving cost me 20 bob more than anticipated that 400 shillings ride was totally worth the conversation.
And to rest of us- I've got nothing đđ¤ˇââ.
No judgments, no rulings - just my two centsđ¤ˇââđ.
NB: No real names or locations were used neither do I know the people above personally so expose yourself at your own risk đ .